Are you living a lie?

Find out whether you have passed one of life's very first tests

May 22, 2024

You can listen to this piece on TikTok (Part I, Part II), Instagram (Part I, Part II) and YouTube (Part I, Part II).

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Did you succeed at one of life's earliest initiations? This is the tale of the Tenderfoot. It will help you work out whether you have successfully completed the first of six archetypal tests posed by human life –or whether you’ve been ensnared by the oh-so-convincing (societal) lie that wants to stop you from ever getting started.

For reference, below are the six journeys in the order they would take place in life. If you’d like to learn more about them and the archetypes they derive from, you can find all this in last week’s piece The archetypes that are ruling your life.

The journeys below are sequential, not random. You can't just pick and choose between them; you have to start with the Tenderfoot because unless you've taken that journey, you will not be able to take any of the others, which are each reliant on the strengths and wisdom gleaned from the journeys that precede them.

As archetypal, the characters we're focusing on have been around since the dawn of time, cropping up in all types of story from ancient myth to modern movies. The journeys and challenges they face resonate so deeply for us, as humans, that it's like they've been programmed into our DNA. And this means that they offer tremendous potential as tools for personal growth, insight and, generally, just living a good life.

Every one of these journeys includes:

One main character archetype;
Two antagonists or baddies;
Two shadow archetypes – the dark versions of self that we definitely want to avoid;
And finally… a transition from a lie to a truth.

The main character – that is, you or I – starts out believing something unhelpful, negative or disempowering about how the world works and the real pot of gold at the end of the journey is for us to have traded in that lie for an empowering truth. Above all else, the Lie vs Truth is the acid test – this is how we really know if we've made it.

And because the lie vs truth can be so transformative, I'd like to challenge you to see if you can work out what these could be for the Tenderfoot as I explain the arc. I'll reveal them towards the end of the piece.

With that said, let's jump in.

The tale of the Tenderfoot

The Tenderfoot's tale is essentially the classic coming-of-age story – an initiation into life as an individual who must learn to survive, all by themselves, out in the big, bad real world.

Examples of the Tenderfoot from pop culture include:

Neo from The Matrix…

Sarah Connor in The Terminator…

And Edward in Edward Scissorhands.

The Tenderfoot's journey starts in the symbolic setting of the home – a place that meets a number of their needs and feels comparatively safe (or at least familiar). But the Tenderfoot craves independence, difference and something bigger, more real. In other words, all of a sudden, the Tenderfoot's home has started to feel too small.

This is where the journey really begins. Motivated by their need for more, the Tenderfoot is compelled to broaden their horizons and venture into the real world (picture Neo taking the red pill and then opening his eyes to see the Nebuchadnezzar for the very first time). The known world is a thing of the past. Now, our Tenderfoot needs to work out how to stay upright with their stabilisers removed.

The tale of the Tenderfoot

Symbolic setting: the Home
Journey: an Initiation
Transition: from the Protected World to the Real World
Theme: growing into one's potential, personal power, and responsibility – the fear and vulnerability of individuation; the fight to empowerment; and finding the courage to claim sovereignty and authenticity of Self

The important thing to know here is that all of these character arcs are about psychological change and growth – which means we start identifying with one archetype at the beginning of the journey but transition to another over the course of the journey, as the next archetype is awakened.

So, when we take the Tenderfoot's journey, we are not becoming the Tenderfoot. We are arcing out of Tenderfoot and into our now-awakened Warrior selves.

The rewards of the Tenderfoot's journey

In other words, this is the journey we must all take in order to establish an individual sense of identity, one that's separate from our childhood rules and assumptions and capable of self-protection out in the real world. THIS. IS. SCARY. But it is necessary in order for us to begin the crucial psychological process of individuation.

The rewards of the Tenderfoot's journey
Reward/virtue: individuation, identity, and in Jungian terms, "ego strength" (which is not about being egotistical, but about having a stronger sense of the boundaries to our identity)

“Resiliency comes from a discovered self, not a constructed self. It comes from the gradual emergence of your unique, inborn abilities in a process called individuation. The better you become, the more unique you become as an individual – and it never ends.”

― Al Siebert, The Resiliency Advantage: Master Change, Thrive Under Pressure, and Bounce Back from Setbacks

But of course, we don't get to claim the great treasure of becoming an individual without overcoming considerable obstacles – that is, the villains of the story.

The Tenderfoot's antagonists

The Tenderfoot's antagonists can include anything or anyone who attempts to keep them small, dependent and unchanged. But in terms of archetypal antagonists, the Tenderfoot will come up against two main threats. We're going to take a quick look at each of these before I reveal that all-important lie vs truth.

Authority

The first of the Tenderfoot's archetypal antagonists is Authority. This will include parent figures, teachers, and anyone we rebel against during those angsty adolescent years and beyond, but also the very concept of the rules we're all expected to follow (and many of which we have internalised).

The process of individuation, then, is the ongoing process of disentangling our sense of self from inner and outer commands and commanders. The Tenderfoot's task is to take the very first step on this path, which is to acknowledge and respond to their need for individuation, and to begin the journey by leaving the symbolic setting of the home.

This alone takes courage and it requires a certain level of learned resilience, which we don't all get from growing up in our childhood environments. The Tenderfoot's journey can therefore easily remain unfulfilled for decades into our lives. In other words, just because we have left home doesn’t mean we have made much progress with the inner journey of individuation.

The Predator

The second of the Tenderfoot's archetypal antagonists is the Predator or Saboteur. Like Authority, this could be a real, external other, such as the traditional and frighteningly commonplace older controlling or abusive boyfriend. But even without that horrible experience, we all know this antagonist because the Predator is also an aspect of the Tenderfoot's inner world. This villain is a personification of the deeply self-destructive thoughts that try to block our growth and individuation.

The Tenderfoot's core challenge

So, regardless of whether or not there are any real, objective bad guys in our lives, when we take the Tenderfoot's journey, we will face an internal conflict and the key question is this:

Are we willing to sacrifice the familiarity and carefree existence of our limited-and-therefore-protected current world for the freedom and opportunities provided by the bigger and scarier real world?

Not everyone is going to choose the bigger world – not in stories and not in reality, either. Trauma can stop people from ever taking that leap. And fear, anxiety, self-doubt, limiting beliefs and shame, even in people without a history of serious trauma, can put the breaks on our progress for decades.

So completion of the Tenderfoot's story arc is not something we can take for granted but if a Tenderfoot doesn’t make their transition to Warrior, then the shadow sides of this archetype (explored below) will beckon.

The Tenderfoot's Lie vs. Truth

Thematically, the Tenderfoot’s journey is about a transition from Submission to Sovereignty.

The Tenderfoot's lie: Submission to authority figures is necessary for survival
The Tenderfoot's truth: Personal sovereignty is necessary for survival and growth

Here's a question for you: Going with your very first, gut answer, on a scale of 0 - 10 (0 being completely false and 10 being entirely true), how would you score yourself on that second statement – the Tenderfoot's empowering truth?

Here's why this is important: if we don't manage to integrate the Tenderfoot's truth, then – rather than levelling up to take the Warrior's transformative journey – we're at risk of devolving, instead, and getting stuck in one of the Tenderfoot's two shadow archetypes – the Naïf or the Tempest.

The Tenderfoot's shadow archetypes

The Naïf is the Tenderfoot's submissive shadow and it represents a passive refusal to accept the call to individuation. The Tempest is the Tenderfoot's aggressive shadow, representing a combative, rebellious refusal to make the transition to adulthood.

These archetypes exist at the two ends of a continuum from a passive existence to an aggressive one, with the Tenderfoot in the balanced, assertive point in the middle.

The Naïf

You can think of the Naïf as the rule-following, innocent and naïve "good girl/boy/child". My favourite Naïf example is Willow from the earlier seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Prim and fluffy, Willow's just a little bit feeble.

Or, if you don't know that reference, think, also Rapunzel in Tangled.

Or Ophelia in Hamlet.

The Naïf is the version of the Tenderfoot who has never taken responsibility for themselves, probably because they've been actively discouraged from doing so. So instead, they obey without question, never straying from the path laid out for them by Authority.

Somewhat ironically, when we inhabit this role in real life, we're often congratulated and praised for our apparent sensible maturity. But it's not real maturity because the Naïf isn't coming to their own conclusions. They're just doing what they're told. And the older they get, the more damaging this dependent immaturity will get for the Naïf because they never learn to look after themselves.

The Tempest

At the other end of the continuum, we have the combative polarity of Tempest. Think Lydia from Pride and Prejudice.

Or Edmund from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

Or, to stick with the Buffy theme, where the Naïf is Willow, the Tempest has to be Faith.

The Tempest is an aggressive refusal to accept the call to individuation and independence. Of course, in reality, this is a facade. Defiant in the face of Authority, the Tempest wants to show power but is either unwilling or just not ready to claim the true, authentic and, crucially, responsible power that's up for grabs on this path.

So, instead, the Tempest succumbs to the destructive force of the Predator within and tries to empower themselves with anger, which usually hurts them more than anyone else, and certainly doesn't win success on this journey.

Let's see if we can lock these two shadow archetypes down with an example. Imagine that our Tenderfoot is born into a family of doctors and lawyers, and even though some little ember of awareness inside them knows that they want to be an artist, they are too out of touch with that desire and too enthralled by Authority to even acknowledge it.

So, unconsciously, they bury it deep and go to medical school instead. Later, they may start the family that's expected, in the house and the neighbourhood that's expected. They live a life that never quite feels as if it's their own, because it isn't.

Now, in the same starting situation, our Tenderfoot may not have submitted to Authority but stormed down to the Tempest's end of the continuum instead, where they shout and argue and refuse to go to medical school. But they don't really listen to their authentic desire either because although they look like opposites, what the Naïf and the Tempest have in common is that they both still believe that they must submit to Authority. So, while the Tempest doesn't get the medical degree, they don't become their authentic self either.

Why do we get possessed by these shadow aspects?

And why don't we all take the positive, empowering path from the outset?

Because of fear, because of shame, because we're human. We can become possessed by either one of these shadow archetypes because we're afraid to mature, afraid to be ourselves, afraid of the vulnerability we'll face in the real world, afraid we just won't cut it.

Now, if this sounds like you, do not worry. Because both the Naïf and the Tempest are more than capable of making the transition back into the Tenderfoot arc and therefore of levelling up to Warrior. To do this, we need to open our eyes to the forces that control us and dig up that ember of Self that we buried. We do this by asking a simple question: What do I want? Then, we can choose to embrace the responsibility of meeting our own needs, and of wielding and owning our true potential and strengths, as opposed to wielding the false power of anger, as does the Tempest. Crucially, this can happen at any stage in life. It is never too late.

Thank you for reading!

We’re Hazel (ex boxer, therapist and author) and Ellie (ex psychology science writer). We left our jobs to build an interactive narrative app for self-awareness and emotion regulation (Betwixt), which you can try on Android here and on iOS here.