Authenticity unwrapped – this is how to be your true self

The taproot soul – a powerful meditation for inner strength and clarity

Nov 20, 2024

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First of all, the received wisdom around being our authentic selves tends to be that we have one true self. I think the one we believe to be our True Self is usually the one that feels most relaxed, like the person we are with our family, or best friends, or whoever – and that whenever we're not being that person, we are being fake.

And here's where all this gets interesting, because if you give it enough thought, this seems to be both true and false. Let's start with false.

The Self Illusion

It is generally agreed that consistency of self in any kind of absolute way is an illusion – that we change over time and from context to context. If I turned up at work, for example, as the version of myself that I am with my sister, that would be a disaster. But equally, if I was my work-self around my family, that wouldn't feel good, either.

And yet, neither of those versions of Hazel is any more real than the other. They're both me. The reason I feel confident in saying this is because I know that in those contexts what I am saying and doing on the outside matches up with what I am thinking and feeling on the inside (most of the time, at least). In neither of these modes do I betray my inner reality with my actions or words… that often.

Please note that I'm saying this to paint a picture – I'm not claiming to be some kind of authenticity master. Because I'm really not. And I still get this wrong, often. But I also think that those mistakes are a super important piece of the puzzle. I reckon we all know that icky feeling of phoniness we get when we think "why did I just do that?" "Why did I blow smoke up this person's arse when I actually think they're behaving like a conceited fool?", or "why didn't I speak up in that meeting when I knew that what was being decided on was wrong?"

That’s the feeling of self-betrayal and it is so important because, maybe even more than any other, that feeling will show us what's true for us – who we really are.

And so herein lies the contradiction – on the one hand, I'm saying that we can be a different person in different situations and still be true to ourselves, and on the other, I'm saying that beneath all of that, there is some kind of singular self that we either honour or don't through our choices, words and actions.

The reason both those things can be true is that they refer to different levels of self.

Persona – the clothes

In Jungian terms, this shifting external version of self that we present to the world is called the persona – it's like our psychic outfit, if you like (that's "psychic" as in of the psyche, by the way, not woo psychic). And so, one way to think about developing authenticity is that it is a process of not shedding the persona (which is impossible anyway) but gradually getting our personas to match who we are underneath as much as possible. Again, this is where the icky feeling comes into play, because that feeling tells us that our outer, presented self has drifted too far from the root.

Soul – the taproot

So how do we know this root? Clarissa Pinkola Estés (who you'll hear me mention often because I just think she's amazing) talks about the need to tune into the taproot of the soul. In nature, a taproot is the strong, straight root of a tree that grows vertically down from the trunk, and from which all the other roots eventually spring. A sapling only has a taproot; it's the very first means of drawing water and nutrients up into the tree so it can grow, and it's also its strongest and very first connection to the earth.

Estés says that we all have our own taproot, that it connects us to the ground of the self, and that growing into our authentic selves is a process of learning to access that connection: a process of honing and centring into a core of self that feels real, doesn't need to be questioned, doesn't change that much from situation to situation – and, importantly, doesn’t give us that icky, disconnected feeling. On the contrary, we know that taproot self because of how it makes us feel solid, rooted and strong as if we will not be felled by the slightest gust of wind or a drop of rain.

It can, in fact, be a very physical feeling to tap into that grounded strength. You can do it right now by sitting or standing, wherever you are, and just imagining a strong, vertical, tapered root growing down from your centre into the earth below you. Or, if nice clean earth is just too far away, simply imagine that root growing down into the space below you – you don't need to worry about what's going on around it; you're not disturbing anybody in the flat downstairs. This root belongs to you and only you, no one else can see it.

And I wonder if you can feel it – as you imagine that strong, straight root growing down and down and connecting you… I wonder if you can feel how your body responds – whether your spine straightens, or your muscles relax, or your core holds. However it is that you can feel that grounding and connection, just pay attention to it, for a moment, because when you're in that state, you will know what is true for you and what is not. Maybe not immediately, but if you work on this, if you practise tapping in, that knowledge will come.

It is so important that you allow this grounding, because it's the only way we can grow into who we're meant to be. Estés urges us to practise being ourselves.

"May you put into practise each day, being your true self, may you hold your shape… during high winds… during pressure to perform something…. May you hold onto your shape especially under flattery, in the midst of threat… ridicule, shaming. Hold fast."
Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés, The Late Bloomer, from the Myths and Stories of the Wise Woman Archetype series

She talks about how every tree has its own particular shape – some have a broad trunk and a thin narrow canopy of leaves, so they can withstand strong winds. Others have flexible trunks, or wide reaching branches with big leaves so they can soak up as much light as possible. And although these trees can have different states for different times of the year, they stay true to their basic shape, regardless.

How I receive this is that even though our foliage can change from the light green of new spring growth to the rusty copper of a leaf that'll soon fall, even though we will sway in the wind sometimes, we may even grow a little wonky in our own distinctive personal way, there is, always, beneath all of that a certain shape that feels right for us and that will help us to withstand the elements, and to thrive in the world. And that's important, which is why I'm talking about it and why I wish you all the luck in the world in finding and knowing it for yourself.

So to finish here, I invite you to ask yourself, maybe daily, maybe weekly, what your shape really is – what your soul's taproot feels like. But I don't think this is a process of defining traits or values, necessarily. And I definitely don't want to see spreadsheets or lists. This is deeper than that. Whether or not we are being our true, actual, authentic selves in any one moment is something that only our feelings – our bodily experience – can tell us.

So, I invite you to just start wondering about these feelings – both the icky feeling and the grounded one – and see where each of these things crop up for you. Because ultimately, when you know, you'll know.

Thank you for reading!

We’re Hazel (ex boxer, therapist and author) and Ellie (ex psychology science writer). We left our jobs to build an interactive narrative app for self-awareness and emotion regulation (Betwixt), which you can try on Android here and on iOS here.