Six signs you could be a dialectical thinker – and why you should be one

Plus a 3-step process to develop this powerful perspective

This is how to tell if you're a dialectical thinker, and why you should work on it if you're not.

In studies, dialectical thinking has been found to promote coping flexibility, decreased anxiety and depression, fewer psychosomatic and stress-related symptoms, and higher quality of life over time.

Are you a dialectical thinker?

Read the statements below and tally up how many feel true for you:

1. I am the same around my family as I am around my friends. 

2. If I have made up my mind about something, I stick to it.

3. I have a definite set of beliefs, which guide my behavior at all times.

4. I have a strong sense of who I am, and don’t change my views when others disagree with me.

5. My outward behaviors reflect my true thoughts and feelings.

6. I usually behave according to my principles.

These statements are from the Dialectical Self Scale, but I have something to admit: they're the reverse options. That means if you answered "true" more often than "false" just now, then you may currently struggle with dialectical thinking. What's fascinating is that many of these statements might appear positive, based on what we tend to be conditioned to value – things like principled behaviour, mental fortitude and consistency. 

In case you want to read the statements that would be true of dialectical thinking, pause to read the rest of the scale. 

• I often change the way I am, depending on who I am with.

• I often find that things will contradict each other.

• My world is full of contradictions that cannot be resolved.

• I am constantly changing, and am different from one time to the next.

• The way I behave usually has more to do with immediate circumstances than with my personal preferences.

• When I hear two sides of an argument, I often agree with both.

• I sometimes believe two things that contradict each other.

• I often find that my beliefs and attitudes will change under different contexts.

What is dialectical thinking?

In a nutshell, you’re a dialectical thinker if you believe that everything is always changing; that contradictions can co-exist in harmony; and that meaning is found in the bigger picture.

Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) 

DBT is an evolved form of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) specially adapted for people who feel emotions very intensely. 

A fundamental principle of dialectical thinking is that everything is composed of opposites. This means that in order to understand things more fully, we need to also accept, consider and understand their opposites.

A dialectic is when two opposing thoughts, feelings or ideas are true at the same time. For example, it is possible to both love and deeply resent your partner simultaneously, just as it's possible to be both frightened and excited about an upcoming change, and to both want to quit and continue with a problematic habit. 

The common reaction to these inevitable conflicts is to judge one as good and the other as bad, and then to resist or deny the "bad" reality, trying to push it away. This doesn't work, though, and can lead to stress, anxiety and general discontent.

DBT therapists help their clients to live from a perspective where all those seemingly opposing thoughts and feelings are allowed to co-exist, which in turn reduces the desire to judge, minimize or try to negate their emotional experiences, and leads to a more peaceful, integrated existence. 

How to practise and develop dialectical thinking 

If you want to work on this, here's a three-step process you can use to practise your dialectical thinking skills. 

Step 1: Reflect on an emotional situation and note conflicting emotions
Ask yourself, “What are all the different feelings I’m having right now?” Pay attention to the subtle nuances of your emotions, as well as their intensity and frequency – a skill known as emotion differentiation. 

Step 2: Consider why it makes sense to feel each of those emotions
Adopt a curious stance and ask yourself why it may make sense to feel what you’re feeling, especially when it comes to emotions you might be judging as wrong or bad. 

Step 3: Consider what each emotion is trying to tell you
Finally, get curious about the messages sent by these emotions. 

Just as physical pain encourages us to care for a physical injury or ailment, negative emotions exist to draw our attention to a psychological wound or imbalance. By listening to all our emotions, not just those we deem acceptable or good, we often learn important – if challenging – information about things we need to change. 

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Thank you for reading!

We’re Hazel (ex boxer, therapist and author) and Ellie (ex psychology science writer). We left our jobs to build an interactive narrative app for self-awareness and emotion regulation (Betwixt), which you can try on Android here and on iOS here.

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