8 Comments
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Donna McArthur's avatar

Damn this is excellent, thank you!

I will hold this whole idea front of mind as I pay attention to how I’m going about my day.

I feel stuck with a body symptom that, while it has to be mechanically dealt with of course, is the result of a holding pattern I’m working to release. I’ve been able to identify the pattern but still catch myself asking why is this happening!

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holden's avatar

I never use Why questions and rarely What questions. I do find I dissociate very quickly, so I try to describe the situation before that happens. If I can do that, then useful questions happen, usually How.

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Ellie Dee's avatar

It's amazing that you can do this. Have you always done it or is it a skill you acquired?

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holden's avatar

It's definitely an acquired skill. I think it comes from being non verbal when I was younger though. So I am trying to describe a scene am seeing.

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Caroline's avatar

Thank you for this. I was somewhat shocked by the self-critical assumptions in the last two examples: “what did I do wrong?” and “what’s wrong with me?” As if I need “fixing”, which is hardly a constructive or positive way to approach these feelings.

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Ellie Dee's avatar

Yes, exactly. And the worst part is that for many of us these questions are an automatic, knee-jerk reaction. We don't even think about them. They just pop into our heads and frame the conversations we have with ourselves in a self-accusatory way, and we don't even notice.

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Claire's avatar

Omg yes! I'm so guilty of using why and I send myself into circles.

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Ellie Dee's avatar

Oh the "joys" of having an overactive self-consciousness!

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