Do you have a maladaptive coping style?
A mismatch between situation and response can fuel anxiety, stress, depression and more
When confronted with a problematic situation, do you try to change that situation or do you change your perception of it? And which one is the better way to confront the curveballs life throws at us? The answer is none; it’s about flexibility.
We respond to challenges by adopting one of three coping styles.
Active inflexible: Always try to change the situation
The problem with this style is that some things are not under your control and when you keep trying to change them, not only do you set yourself up to fail but you also feel it’s your fault.
Passive inflexible: Never try to change the situation
This, too, is problematic, because some situations can be changed and merely accepting the status quo may minimise conflicts in the short term but it’s also a sure way to keep yourself stuck and small.
Functional flexible: Control what you can, accept what you can’t control
The adaptive way to cope is the functional flexible style - change the situation in controllable events and change your perception (thinking and feeling) in uncontrollable events. Individuals who are more flexible in coping report lower anxiety and depression levels, fewer psychosomatic and stress-related symptoms, and higher quality of life over time.
Which one is your typical coping style? How is it serving or hampering you? Let’s continue this conversation in the comments!
Thank you for reading!
We’re Hazel (ex boxer, therapist and author) and Ellie (ex psychology science writer). We left our jobs to build an interactive narrative app for self-awareness and emotion regulation (Betwixt), which you can try on Android here and on iOS here.
I find that I swing wildly between Active Inflexible and Passive Inflexible depending on whether it’s something I perceive to be in my sphere of influence or if it’s something that involves other people. When I feel like I might have some control over the situation I take the active approach, but when it involves others, I’m more passive. I think it’s a lot to do with being a people pleaser, and leads me to take way too much on to actively “solve everything myself” or resign myself passively to how it is because I don’t want to bother other people…definitely working on changing the mindsets. It’s exhausting and often leads to a feeling of helplessness in both directions by constantly trying to over-correct.
Onwards to flexibility!
I always need a plan, and my spouse's family drives me crazy by always doing last minute plans. They'll call everyone up out of nowhere for a big family dinner or outing. It's been an effort to let go of my indignance and just go if I don't have other plans.