I find that I swing wildly between Active Inflexible and Passive Inflexible depending on whether it’s something I perceive to be in my sphere of influence or if it’s something that involves other people. When I feel like I might have some control over the situation I take the active approach, but when it involves others, I’m more passive. I think it’s a lot to do with being a people pleaser, and leads me to take way too much on to actively “solve everything myself” or resign myself passively to how it is because I don’t want to bother other people…definitely working on changing the mindsets. It’s exhausting and often leads to a feeling of helplessness in both directions by constantly trying to over-correct.
I always need a plan, and my spouse's family drives me crazy by always doing last minute plans. They'll call everyone up out of nowhere for a big family dinner or outing. It's been an effort to let go of my indignance and just go if I don't have other plans.
One of those situations many people will readily relate to! I'm curious, do you do see this situation as something you can control and therefore change, or as something that's beyond your control that you need to accept? And has your perception evolved over time?
I think a lot of the time I feel like what I want doesn't matter, because people have to give kindness, empathy, respect, etc.; I can't take it from them. I also have trouble with the concept that controlling how I feel means I'm well-adjusted, because it sounds like ignoring my needs and wants and pretending it was my idea, of that makes sense.
Definitely both of the less-helpful ones lol. It's shifted over time but I'm prone to both at any given point. When I was a teenager and started experiencing mental illness symptoms, I was pretty much always active inflexible.
Over time I just couldn't improve things and the helplessness and hopelessness really set in over the years. It didn't help that the world and my loved ones were simply expecting me to "get better already" and treated the whole debacle as a matter of personal choice and weakness vs. strength. :(
A couple years ago the passive inflexibility really took over. I always had some of that but it was usually because the active inflexibility would exhaust me and leave me inable to continue for a time. The passive inflexibility is just as cruel as the active. Somehow both manage to leave you feeling completely powerless and helpless.
I try to change the situation and if I can't I think harder about how to change the situation! OK I know I can't change big things like elections and global warming. I do one about persons worth of things to try to influnce the situation, then I try to think of other subjects. Of course I try to set up a contingency plan for if the bad big things happen.
I find that I swing wildly between Active Inflexible and Passive Inflexible depending on whether it’s something I perceive to be in my sphere of influence or if it’s something that involves other people. When I feel like I might have some control over the situation I take the active approach, but when it involves others, I’m more passive. I think it’s a lot to do with being a people pleaser, and leads me to take way too much on to actively “solve everything myself” or resign myself passively to how it is because I don’t want to bother other people…definitely working on changing the mindsets. It’s exhausting and often leads to a feeling of helplessness in both directions by constantly trying to over-correct.
Onwards to flexibility!
Your analysis is so self-aware! I'm not a people pleaser myself but I can certainly relate to the swings you talk about.
I always need a plan, and my spouse's family drives me crazy by always doing last minute plans. They'll call everyone up out of nowhere for a big family dinner or outing. It's been an effort to let go of my indignance and just go if I don't have other plans.
One of those situations many people will readily relate to! I'm curious, do you do see this situation as something you can control and therefore change, or as something that's beyond your control that you need to accept? And has your perception evolved over time?
I think a lot of the time I feel like what I want doesn't matter, because people have to give kindness, empathy, respect, etc.; I can't take it from them. I also have trouble with the concept that controlling how I feel means I'm well-adjusted, because it sounds like ignoring my needs and wants and pretending it was my idea, of that makes sense.
Definitely both of the less-helpful ones lol. It's shifted over time but I'm prone to both at any given point. When I was a teenager and started experiencing mental illness symptoms, I was pretty much always active inflexible.
Over time I just couldn't improve things and the helplessness and hopelessness really set in over the years. It didn't help that the world and my loved ones were simply expecting me to "get better already" and treated the whole debacle as a matter of personal choice and weakness vs. strength. :(
A couple years ago the passive inflexibility really took over. I always had some of that but it was usually because the active inflexibility would exhaust me and leave me inable to continue for a time. The passive inflexibility is just as cruel as the active. Somehow both manage to leave you feeling completely powerless and helpless.
I try to change the situation and if I can't I think harder about how to change the situation! OK I know I can't change big things like elections and global warming. I do one about persons worth of things to try to influnce the situation, then I try to think of other subjects. Of course I try to set up a contingency plan for if the bad big things happen.
i don't like the AI art. I think AI art is theft.