So what if you notice the psychological reactance in yourself? I find this when dealing with coparent as they were/are quite covertly controlling (and probably not even aware of it). I feel a distinct resistance to them due to always having caved to their requests in our relationship. How do I maintain my autonomy fairly and not get stuck in the auto resistance.
First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your challenges. That's quite a big topic, with so much to tease out and so many inique aspects to it. Maybe we can think of addressing some of these questions in a future article, but it'd be impossible and I think unhelpful to try to reduce the complexity of the topic in a comment. Thanks for the question, it's such a fascinating one!
I'm thinking about a close friend who claims she was manipulated into giving someone money, when I know for a fact that he never once even hinted that he wanted her to help him. She's refusing to take accountability for her part, to the point of "screaming" at me via text. Is there any way to gently help her see that she made a conscious choice to send him the money?
I don't know the situation, obviously, so take this with a huge grain of salt, but from personal experience, I don't think so. If there are deap-seated strong emotions at play, there will be a lot of defensiveness and it's not a matter of persuading someone or reasoning with them in this situation. I'd think about whether it's worth helping someone see what they might not want to see, or whether you should wait for a better time when they're more receptive to input, or whether you should keep quiet, let this go because not all battles are worth having.
Yeah, you're right. Besides, she does see a counselor regularly (although she's having to switch to a new one next week). I'll let it go, wait and see.
So what if you notice the psychological reactance in yourself? I find this when dealing with coparent as they were/are quite covertly controlling (and probably not even aware of it). I feel a distinct resistance to them due to always having caved to their requests in our relationship. How do I maintain my autonomy fairly and not get stuck in the auto resistance.
First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your challenges. That's quite a big topic, with so much to tease out and so many inique aspects to it. Maybe we can think of addressing some of these questions in a future article, but it'd be impossible and I think unhelpful to try to reduce the complexity of the topic in a comment. Thanks for the question, it's such a fascinating one!
Thanks for responding and I totally understand! I think ai was partly just musing on it myself 🙏🏻 probably one to discuss with my therapist 😂
I'm thinking about a close friend who claims she was manipulated into giving someone money, when I know for a fact that he never once even hinted that he wanted her to help him. She's refusing to take accountability for her part, to the point of "screaming" at me via text. Is there any way to gently help her see that she made a conscious choice to send him the money?
I don't know the situation, obviously, so take this with a huge grain of salt, but from personal experience, I don't think so. If there are deap-seated strong emotions at play, there will be a lot of defensiveness and it's not a matter of persuading someone or reasoning with them in this situation. I'd think about whether it's worth helping someone see what they might not want to see, or whether you should wait for a better time when they're more receptive to input, or whether you should keep quiet, let this go because not all battles are worth having.
Yeah, you're right. Besides, she does see a counselor regularly (although she's having to switch to a new one next week). I'll let it go, wait and see.