Wonderful article. I'm curious about the reason why many of us (myself included) cannot take advice directly from someone and can only "do the thing" when it feels like it was our idea, not a suggestion from someone else. I find myself resenting people for offering criticism or saying things like, "Well, life's not fair but you have to keep working hard". Maybe it's a fear of judgement, or maybe its indignation ("They don't know what I've been through" or "Who are they to judge me?") I think for me, when they offer their comments, I see it as more ways they're trying to exert control over me. I don't like to be signed up for anything by anyone except me, so I can meticulously plan and prepare and leave if I need to.
In short, yes, there's psychological reactance at play: when someone wants you to do something, you feel like they're taking away your autonomy and feel resistance even if the advice itself is good.
Thank you so much for this article, it beautifully sums up exactly what I'm struggling with at the moment but couldn't articulate. I'm desperate to change these self-sabotage cycles and finally have something that I can understand and work on
Wonderful article. I'm curious about the reason why many of us (myself included) cannot take advice directly from someone and can only "do the thing" when it feels like it was our idea, not a suggestion from someone else. I find myself resenting people for offering criticism or saying things like, "Well, life's not fair but you have to keep working hard". Maybe it's a fear of judgement, or maybe its indignation ("They don't know what I've been through" or "Who are they to judge me?") I think for me, when they offer their comments, I see it as more ways they're trying to exert control over me. I don't like to be signed up for anything by anyone except me, so I can meticulously plan and prepare and leave if I need to.
We actually had a post about this.
https://stack.betwixt.life/p/psychological-reactance-why-people
In short, yes, there's psychological reactance at play: when someone wants you to do something, you feel like they're taking away your autonomy and feel resistance even if the advice itself is good.
Thank you for this article! I truly blame myself for a lot of things that weren't my fault as a child, this had me thinking about that pretty deeply.
Thank you so much for this article, it beautifully sums up exactly what I'm struggling with at the moment but couldn't articulate. I'm desperate to change these self-sabotage cycles and finally have something that I can understand and work on
So glad to hear you're finding this useful. Good luck on your journey!